we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
