Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
Randomize
