It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
