you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
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