There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
Randomize
