This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
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