Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
Randomize
