To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
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