just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
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