i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
Randomize
