Acid is not a monday night drug
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
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