Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
He had one of those small greek statue penises
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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