Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
