I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
Randomize
