What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
of course. lets lasso hookers.
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
I was not drunk enough for that final.
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
