I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
Randomize
