shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
Randomize
