Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
Randomize
