We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
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