i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
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