Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
Randomize
