i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
