I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
Randomize
