Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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