mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
Randomize
