I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
i now understand why vodka
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
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