Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
I DON'T KNOW WHERE WE ARE WE ARE TOO FUCKING ELEVATED.
Me either! Fuck yeah, 12th and something. 12th and hamburger stand.
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
Randomize
