Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
Randomize
