I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
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