Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
Randomize
