I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Randomize
