i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
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