I'm going to jail i love you
My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
We have so much sex to catch up on
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
