I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
Randomize
