if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
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