Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
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