ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
Randomize
