dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
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