We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
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