My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
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