I'm sorry my penis didn't work
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
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