Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
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