Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
17 year olds will be the death of me.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
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