Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
Randomize
