I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
Never let your siblings swipe right.
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Randomize
