hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
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