So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
Randomize
