matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
Randomize
