he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Randomize
