oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
