Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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