when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
