I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
Randomize
